Best Ways of Dating Someone in the Closet


For one reason or the other, some people choose to stay closeted and do not like to be open about their gender identity or sexual orientation. Sometimes, it may be difficult to be expressive about one’s homosexuality, probably due to the type of community we find ourselves in, we choose to stay closeted.

It can be much easier to live freely in an LGBT-friendly society and get a partner, while in other communities, you might be dating someone in the closet or be in the closet yourself. Dating is generally tough, but it can be a little much when trying to date while in the closet. As a closet gay dating, you can still establish a meaningful relationship when you take the right steps and figure out how to navigate dating someone in the closet.

What is a Closet Relationship in LGBT Relationship?

Before we get into dating someone in the closet, it’s important to define closet romantic meaning. The term “closeted” or “closet” in the context of LGBT relationships refers to someone who is not open about their sexual orientation or gender identity to others, particularly their family, friends, and colleagues.

A closeted lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender person may choose to keep their identity hidden for various reasons, including fear of discrimination, rejection, or violence. They may feel that it’s safer or easier to keep their sexuality or gender identity private, particularly if they live in a society or community that is not accepting of LGBT individuals.

If anyone is dating someone in the closet, it can present challenges for the couple, as the closeted partner may not feel comfortable being affectionate or intimate in public or with certain people. This can create a sense of secrecy or distance in the relationship, and may also require the couple to navigate issues related to coming out and disclosing their relationship to others.

Ways to Find a Partner When You’re Closeted

Finding a partner when you are closeted or dating someone closeted can be challenging, but there are some ways to meet other people who share your interests and preferences. Here are some suggestions:

  • Join online communities: The internet can be a great resource for meeting new people. Consider joining online communities or dating apps specifically geared towards the LGBT community. These communities can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your sexuality and connect with other like-minded individuals.
  • Attend LGBT events: Check out local LGBT events in your area, such as Pride festivals, LGBTQ support groups, or other social gatherings. These events can be a great way to meet new people and connect with others who are also exploring their sexuality.
  • Talk to friends: If you have open-minded and supportive friends, consider talking to them about your desire to find a partner. They may be able to introduce you to someone they know or provide you with support and advice.
  • Consider coming out: While it may be difficult, coming out can allow you to meet other LGBT individuals and potentially find a partner. However, only come out when you feel comfortable and safe to do so.

Things to Consider When Looking For a Partner When You’re in the Closet

1. Find someone who is understanding if you’re dating someone in the closet

You should never feel bad about being a closet lesbian, gay or LGBTQ person during dating because other people are in the same situation as you and want to have a meaningful relationship. It is important that you spend time with people who share the same interest as you. If you’re unsure that someone is gay, you can ask them out on a neutral date. You can know their true interest when you spend time together. Do not ask someone close to your friends and family on a date. You can risk being outed if you’re closeted or want to date someone in the closet.

Using a dating app that suits your needs can be a helpful way to find a partner while being closeted. As You Are (AYA) is a reliable LGBT matchmaking app that focuses on creating a safe environment for LGBT singles to find the right match. Most gay dating apps focus more on creating hook-ups than long-term relationships. A matchmaking app like As You Are that provides full support of LGBTQ singles could be the right option to find a partner while being closeted.

Attending events during pride month in your city or attending events during pride month while you’re closeted can be an excellent way to meet potential partners. However, attending these events outside of your city would be safer if you feel someone might see you and if you are at risk of being outed.

2. Communication when Dating Someone in the Closet

If you are thinking of experiencing closet gay dating, you need to be more careful about making sure you and your date are on the same page about what is ok and what is not ok. It is a good habit to tell your potential dates and make them understand that you haven’t come out yet so that there won’t be any confusion later on. If you think someone is a closet lesbian, gay or LGBT person, please don’t mention it until they’re ready to tell you on their own.

If you choose to be dating while in the closet, while you clearly don’t need to explain your choices, it will help your date to understand your situation if you’re comfortable sharing your reasons and be honest with them about why you’re not out and your choices for choosing to stay closeted.

3. Establish your Boundaries

While navigating how to date in the closet, to ensure that you don’t risk being outed while being in the closet, you must tell your potential partner that you are still closeted. While planning to meet your date, always choose a place where people do not know you. Once you establish your boundaries, you are free to talk and understand each other better.

It’s totally okay if you are not ok dating someone in the closet, but it’s important to be honest about that with potential partners. No matter what your reasons are for staying out or being closeted, it’s your choice and the only healthy option is that your partner respects it.

How As You Are Can Help You When Dating Someone in the Closet

Summarily, closet gay dating shouldn’t look like something impossible because some other people feel the same way you do. We all have reasons why we choose to be in the closet. In urban India, social media and corporate initiatives have helped created increased awareness of LGBT rights, but apart from those spaces, there is still a lot of trolling and systemic discrimination.

Regardless of all the awareness, if our own personal circles and family don’t seem supportive, it is hard to come out, and one can choose to be dating while in the closet. Here are As You Are, we can help you find the perfect match even when you’re in the closet. We keep our client’s information confidential and would never give your details to anyone. Talk to our matchmakers today; they will help you find your perfect partner.

Wanting to stay in the closet is completely one’s own choice and no one should push anyone to come out. We have points for you, if and when you do want to come out. Taking the right steps and making the right choice choices will help you find a partner and have a meaningful relationship.