Asmi- Bisexual Women, LGBTQ Dating and BDSM at AYA’s Virtual Pride March 2020.

bisexual woman

Bisexuality is mostly interpreted as being warped. When it comes to a woman being bisexual, it gets more difficult as men treat them in a rather perverse way.  

‘Know then thyself…The proper study of mankind is Man’-Alexander Pope

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Feeling Empowered is Important

If you miss out on knowing who you are, you miss out on knowing what the world is all about:  Asmi, who is a bisexual woman, in an interview with As You Are (AYA) states that it is most important to know oneself and once sexuality to live a fulfilling life— Here she is specifically talking on the sexuality and one’s personal leaning and choice. A bisexual herself, she believes that it is very difficult especially for a woman to build boundaries. The role of bisexual woman is often misinterpreted in a man’s world, “Men welcome a bisexual woman because they attach some extra fun with it.” They believe the whole sexual act will involve having two women. “They are so wrong,” she adds. 

The needs of a bisexual woman

Bisexual, she explains, means a woman may like being emotionally and sexually with either a man or a woman but in two different realms. According to the American Psychological Association, ‘the term “bisexual” is used to describe a person who experiences emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to, or engages in romantic or sexual relationships with, more than one sex or gender’.

Drawing from her own life experiences, she candidly says she is in love with a woman while her primary love is for a man. No one needs to feel guilty about such situations according to Asmi as it is one’s basic need and orientation one is fulfilling. Yet to know where you are headed for, one should take his or her time and not rush into situations. Like in any other relationship, it is most imperative to explore, take time, understand and then decide. She also points out there will be awkward moments, boring phases and one may tend to get dismissive about the relation altogether—but isn’t that a case in all relations?

Cautions should never be dropped in a bisexual relation

A warning that she has for all bisexual folks out there is they should not to succumb to family pressures of getting into a wedlock before being is sure of their own orientation. Experiment and discovering oneself is most essential in the initial lap of any sexual journey. There are several who do not know how to go about figuring this out. She recommends going to safe online places like dating sites, if meeting offline becomes too much of a challenge. Those who want to discover themselves also should read about sexuality and its varied nuances. Once again, Asmi makes it a point to clarify that there is a huge difference between watching porno-films and reading serious books or browsing meaningful websites when one is in a self-exploring stage. People while trying to ascertain their preferences go to pornography sites etc. and that does not help one bit. It often does more harm than good.

Apps help bisexuals to ‘come out’

Most bisexual people in India do not want to ‘come out’ in the open because of the social taboos that begin within the family, extends to work places and different social spheres. She recommends searching for the right App where they can freely interact and often land up with a partner.  For Asmi, the safety parameters maintained by an App is most important as that ensures there will be no harassments in that particular zone.  It is a great feeling when she recommends As You Are App as one of the safest places she has come across— “I found the place really safe. Besides what was most comforting is that the team at the backend go and verify all details minutely if they feel suspicious about the intentions of a member and that was a  “huge assurance for me.”

Setting boundaries is importantLike in other relations, the boundaries set by a Bisexual individual  should be very clear to others. If the individual feels pushed, stalked or harassed for phone numbers, visuals, FB account etc and is not comfortable then do not hesitate to wave out the red flag’. Your partner should know what you expect and remember not to say yes when you ought to say know.

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