Best Ways to Find a Partner When You’re Closeted


For one reason or the other, some people choose to stay closeted and do not like to be open about their gender identity or sexual orientation. Sometimes, it may be difficult to be expressive about one’s homosexuality, probably due to the type of community we find ourselves in we choose to stay closeted.

It can be much easier to live freely in an LGBT-friendly society and get a partner, while in other communities, you might need to be in the closet. Dating generally is tough, but it can be a little more when you are trying to date while in the closeted. While you’re in the closet, you can still establish a meaningful relationship when you take the right steps and figure out how to navigate how to date in the closet.

Find someone who is understanding

You should never feel bad about being in the closet or dating while in the closet because other people are in the same situation as you and want to have a meaningful relationship. It is important that you spend time with people who share the same interest as you. If you’re not sure that someone is gay, you can ask them out on a neutral date. You can know the person’s true interest when you spend time together. Do not ask someone very close to your friends and family on a date. You can risk being outed of your closeted.

Making use of a dating app that suits your needs can be a very helpful way to find a partner while being closeted. As You Are (AYA) is a reliable LGBT matchmaking app that focuses on creating a safe environment for LGBT singles to find the right match. Most gay dating apps are more focused on creating hook-ups rather than long-term relationships. A matchmaking app like As You Are that provides full support of LGBTQ singles could be the right option to find a partner while being closeted.

Attending events during pride month in your city or attending events during the pride month while you’re closeted can be an excellent way to meet potential partners. However, it would be safer to attend these events outside of your city if you feel someone might see you and if you are at the risk of being outed.

Communication when Dating in the Closeted

If you are closeted you need to be more careful about making sure you and your date on the same page about what is ok and what is not ok. It if a good habit to tell your potential dates and make them understand that you haven’t come out yet so that there won’t be any confusion later on.

closet gay dating

If you choose to stay be dating while in the closet, while you clearly don’t need to explanation your choices, it will help your date to understand your situation if you’re comfortable sharing your reasons and be honest with them about why you’re not out and your choices for choosing to stay closeted.

Establish your Boundaries

While navigating how to date in the closet, to ensure that you don’t risk being outed while being in the closet, you must tell your potential partner that you are still closeted. While planning to meet your date, always choose a place where people do not know you. With this out of the way, you are free to talk and understand each other better.

It’s totally okay if you are not ok to date someone who is out or in the closet, but it’s important that you be honest about that with potential partners. No matter what your reasons are for staying closeted, if your choice and the only healthy option is that your partner respects it.

Summarily, matchmaking while in the closet shouldn’t look like something impossible because some other people feel the same way you do. We all have reasons why we choose to be in the closet. In urban India, social media and corporate initiatives have helped created increasing awareness of LGBT rights, but apart from those spaces, there is still a lot of trolling and systemic discrimination. Regardless of all the awareness, if our own person circles and natal family doesn’t seem supportive, it is hard to come out and one can choose to be dating while in the closet.

Wanting to stay in the closet is completely one’s own choice and no one should push anyone to come out. We have points for you, if and when you do want to come out. Taking the right steps and making the right choice choices will help you find a partner and have a meaningful relationship.